Friday, 31 May 2013

Stormont Chuckle Bros Introduces NW200 Internment Orders!

Motorcycle Real Road Racing Blog by Barbiegirl Northern Ireland

Perhaps as a result of inbreeding, unique to Northern Ireland and prevalent amongst men of a certain age is a rare hormone disorder which allegedly causes phantasmagoric hallucinations – almost unbelievably, these deluded male misfits of society truly believe a previously unknown race of invisible people are living and successfully breeding within Northern Ireland. So worryingly widespread has the condition become in recent times, sightings of the invisible people have now been widely reported by all sections of the Northern Ireland media.

Many of us can no doubt recall our childhood – what innocently imaginative creatures we were - perhaps not all, some should obviously have been exterminated – the remainder though quite possibly had daily incredulous in-depth conversations with an array of stupendously weird imaginary friends. As adults though, apart from perhaps the seriously disturbed in our midst, along with the hallucinatory alter ego, most of the rest of us leave behind the whole of our childhood fantasy world of make-believe.

The recent re-emergence of the invisible people phenomenon actually reminded moi of an altogether disastrously frustrating personal escapade – as an innocently naïve thirteen year old, one now admits to a brief sexual encounter with a rather gorgeous imaginary young man – obviously it didn’t develop into a serious relationship – nonetheless though, in hindsight - a disturbing period. Now more intriguing – weirdly stimulating - recurring thoughts persist of experiencing sexual intercourse with a sizable invisible man – thoughts which have resulted in some embarrassing moments, particularly when moi imagines she has met Harry in a crowded Belfast café.

You can apparently fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time unless of course one is the alleged propaganda chief of the NW200 – alleged master of the big lie tactic in which a lie, no matter how outrageous, is repeated often enough, it will eventually be accepted as truth. Believers of the lie have even claimed the cost of the latest NW200 washout will have cost the local economy of millions of pounds – invisible pounds no doubt.

Mervyn Whyte is rumoured to have allegedly recently claimed 120000 spectators attended the NW200, but conveniently seems to have failed to mention only a few hundred were actual real visible people - the other 119000+ were of the invisible variety - all of whom presumably injected several million much needed invisible Dollars/Euros/Pounds into the local economy – a feat they’ve been successfully performing for many years.

Be assured though, divine intervention from high on the hill – Stormont – will ensure inclement weather will never again be an issue for future NW200 events. The heartfelt pleas from Mervyn Whyte for flexible road closing orders have not fallen on deaf ears – having allegedly recently consulted with Amnesty International UK and the European Court of Human Rights - Chuckle Brother Peter Robinson, with the support of Sinn Fein - is rumoured to be quite literally on the cusp of announcing the re-introduction of Internment Orders – for every man, woman, and child - invisible or otherwise - residing within the Coleraine, Portrush, Portstewart triangle area of Northern Ireland. Barring any unexpected lengthy successful legal challenges by the already beleaguered and long suffering citizens, the resurrected Operation Demetrius Internment Orders will obviously be then issued for all of our remaining real road racing venues.

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