Friday, 31 May 2013

Stormont Chuckle Bros Introduces NW200 Internment Orders!

Motorcycle Real Road Racing Blog by Barbiegirl Northern Ireland

Perhaps as a result of inbreeding, unique to Northern Ireland and prevalent amongst men of a certain age is a rare hormone disorder which allegedly causes phantasmagoric hallucinations – almost unbelievably, these deluded male misfits of society truly believe a previously unknown race of invisible people are living and successfully breeding within Northern Ireland. So worryingly widespread has the condition become in recent times, sightings of the invisible people have now been widely reported by all sections of the Northern Ireland media.

Many of us can no doubt recall our childhood – what innocently imaginative creatures we were - perhaps not all, some should obviously have been exterminated – the remainder though quite possibly had daily incredulous in-depth conversations with an array of stupendously weird imaginary friends. As adults though, apart from perhaps the seriously disturbed in our midst, along with the hallucinatory alter ego, most of the rest of us leave behind the whole of our childhood fantasy world of make-believe.

The recent re-emergence of the invisible people phenomenon actually reminded moi of an altogether disastrously frustrating personal escapade – as an innocently naïve thirteen year old, one now admits to a brief sexual encounter with a rather gorgeous imaginary young man – obviously it didn’t develop into a serious relationship – nonetheless though, in hindsight - a disturbing period. Now more intriguing – weirdly stimulating - recurring thoughts persist of experiencing sexual intercourse with a sizable invisible man – thoughts which have resulted in some embarrassing moments, particularly when moi imagines she has met Harry in a crowded Belfast café.

You can apparently fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time unless of course one is the alleged propaganda chief of the NW200 – alleged master of the big lie tactic in which a lie, no matter how outrageous, is repeated often enough, it will eventually be accepted as truth. Believers of the lie have even claimed the cost of the latest NW200 washout will have cost the local economy of millions of pounds – invisible pounds no doubt.

Mervyn Whyte is rumoured to have allegedly recently claimed 120000 spectators attended the NW200, but conveniently seems to have failed to mention only a few hundred were actual real visible people - the other 119000+ were of the invisible variety - all of whom presumably injected several million much needed invisible Dollars/Euros/Pounds into the local economy – a feat they’ve been successfully performing for many years.

Be assured though, divine intervention from high on the hill – Stormont – will ensure inclement weather will never again be an issue for future NW200 events. The heartfelt pleas from Mervyn Whyte for flexible road closing orders have not fallen on deaf ears – having allegedly recently consulted with Amnesty International UK and the European Court of Human Rights - Chuckle Brother Peter Robinson, with the support of Sinn Fein - is rumoured to be quite literally on the cusp of announcing the re-introduction of Internment Orders – for every man, woman, and child - invisible or otherwise - residing within the Coleraine, Portrush, Portstewart triangle area of Northern Ireland. Barring any unexpected lengthy successful legal challenges by the already beleaguered and long suffering citizens, the resurrected Operation Demetrius Internment Orders will obviously be then issued for all of our remaining real road racing venues.

Don't be shy! Leave me a comment, you know you want to.

Save Our Sport From Evil

©2013 Motorcycle RealRoadRacing Blog by Barbiegirl Northern Ireland

Subscribe to Irish Motorcycle Real Road Racing Blog by Barbiegirl Northern Ireland by Email

Thursday, 16 May 2013

Italian Stallions, Milan Fashion, Monza Heroics, Chianti & Sex

Motorcycle Real Road Racing Blog by Barbiegirl Northern Ireland

With an overdose of wildly vivid imagination, one could just as easily be in a welcoming Belfast pub sharing a bottle of Chianti with friends on an early warm summer evening – instead it’s a chic bar in the incredibly cosmopolitan Italian city of Milan – one of the world's great fashion capitals. To be completely honest though, the similarities are quite facetiously startling - Italy has Silvio Berlusconi, bunga bunga sex parties, criminal phenomenon la Cosa Nostra aka the Mafia, the Cathedral of Speed - Monza.

Northern Ireland can boast the Chuckle Brothers - Peter Robinson and Martin McGuiness, the infamously scandalous Stormont Clowns parties, and 57 shades of terrorists – IRA, RIRA, DIRA, PIRA, UDA, UVF, UFF - on goes the depressingly boring list of sad nonentities, and lest one forgets – the much loved Irish Temple of Speed - Nutt’s Corner.

Away from the high octane world of World Superbikes @ Monza, one turns her attentions to Chianti, Italian food, Italian fashion, and two inordinately stylish and passionate Italian males. Sublime is not having to endure British/Irish stubble rash – anywhere it’s nasty, horrible and painful – Italian stallions are more thoughtful - clean shaven – appreciative of their women.

The trip had been hastily arranged - destination, the breathtakingly beautiful Autodromo Nazionale Monza race track for round four of the World Superbike World Championship. Arrived Firday afternoon at Milano Linate Airport – not my most favourite of airports, best described as being inadequate – waiting with my two typically apologetic friends - the rain one thought had been a left behind Belfast memory.

Italians – both sexes - are famous for their simple yet elegant clothing trends – even if you’re not, one should strive to be chic, elegant and sophisticated. The men love women with an exquisite dress sense, and there was moi with a shoulder bag full of crumpled tee shirts, miniskirts and little else but smalls. The sheer opulence of Italian fashion beckoned - Milan's Via della Spiga – paradise for the discerning fashion aficionado - and moi.

For Lucca and Sal, the very essence of femininity is a sizzling well fitted little black dress with the emphasis on sexual allure. How could one disappoint, the first chosen dress is indeed black, extra short with open back detail strappy back. A crepe G-string with top and bottom lace braid decoration, frontal lace bows and removable suspenders for obligatory stockings, plus of course shoes in black supple leather. I love dressing for adoring men - not undressing though - undressing moi is a chore best left to her men.

Shopped out, wined and dined - the original plan of driving north to stay in Monza got shelved – Italy has strict drink driving laws – a good excuse to indulge ourselves for a few nights amidst the opulence of an exceptionally beautiful Milan hotel. Outside, while the rain pelted down, flickers of lightning lit the night sky, but it’s doubtful if any one of us took much notice. We did make it North to Monza for Saturday qualifying, and suspenseful, exciting races on a beautiful Sunday, the best of which for moi, was the astonishingly thrilling Pata European Junior Cup event - a ten rider battle right to the chequered flag - the very best of real road racing heroics.

No matter how many times one has been to the hallowed grounds of Monza, always there is an electrifying sensation – not always is it the electrical storms - the Monza motorcycle road racing spectator experience, and track day and/or testing experience - simply out of this world. One therefore suggests whilst still of sound mind and spirit - put both on your list of things to do before dying – do it now!

Unlike their fellow Europeans – the Irish – Northerners included, are most certainly not a liberal-minded people, especially so when it comes to extramarital affairs. Those who would dare to have such impure thoughts in Ireland - will be condemned to eternal torment in hell, fire and damnation by any number of deranged bible thumping madmen including paedophiles and criminals - all legally masquerading as men of the cloth.

Not being ever married, nearly married or intending to be married - nor in any way religious - one can honestly say she isn't concerned about the rantings of the Holier than thou freaks of this world, unlike Lucca and Sal. Both will have the cohorts of his Holiness to contend with, but one would suggest playing two into one away from home with moi, is rather more acceptable and legal than paedophile criminals indulging in sickening one on one abusive sex with little children. Paedophiles sentence their young victims to a tormented life of hellfire and damnation, therefore new worldwide laws must be agreed - castration and life behind bars for all abusers of little children - should be the norm.

Don't be shy! Leave me a comment, you know you want to.

Save Our Sport From Evil

©2013 Motorcycle RealRoadRacing Blog by Barbiegirl Northern Ireland

Subscribe to Irish Motorcycle Real Road Racing Blog by Barbiegirl Northern Ireland by Email

Thursday, 9 May 2013

Will Gay & Lesbian Community Embrace Justin Bieber, Paris Hilton & Kevin Schwantz?

Motorcycle Real Road Racing Blog by Barbiegirl Northern Ireland

Apart from the blinkered variety of motorcycle road racing fan with head firmly buried in the red sand of Planet Mars, the rest of us have long since realised that worldwide - our beloved sport is beset with numerous fundamental problems. Whilst with the obvious exception of the depressing recession - we can always lay the blame for many of the other issues at the feet of those in control of all aspects of the sport – the multitude of self-serving pensioners with less imagination and knowledge of motorcycle road racing than a plucked pheasant.

The lowly turnout of 60,000 people for the inaugural MotoGP at COTA, Texas probably had much to do with the invisible advertising campaign as recently mentioned by former World Champion Kevin Schwantz when writing about the dearth of American riders in motorcycle road racing World Championship events. Whilst what he says is true, apathy towards motorcycle road racing isn’t confined to America, it’s a worldwide disease – the root cause of which one could also claim was the non-existent Public Relation skills of those charged with promoting the sport – the governing bodies – sadly though, there are the other culprits – the current crop of aging psychotic fans.

You have to admire them - Americans are such a patriotic breed, if they had any seriously competitive riders at World Championship level, most likely they would be wholeheartedly supported - unlike those psychotic British motorcycle road racing fans, many of whom have a craving for home grown heroes, who they then place on pedestals for the sole purpose of destroying them – perhaps it’s a mass inbuilt insecurity issue – for sure it’s not patriotism.

Our sport is haemorrhaging disillusioned sane fans and sponsors alike - if ever the time was right for a social media campaign to raise positive awareness of motorcycle road racing, it is now. The adverse publicity being generated daily on any one of the multitude of motorcycle road racing forums/message boards scattered throughout cyberspace has to be reversed – many of the resident posters obviously have serious psychological problems. Most certainly they are not the type of people one would recommend as ambassadors for the sport – while many are nothing more than ill-informed trouble making morons – others appear to have an unhealthy fixation with one particular Italian, perhaps it’s a male bonding thing – either that or closet homosexual armchair biker behaviour syndrome.

The world of motorcycle road racing has to reinvent itself, present itself both as an acceptable all sing, all dancing, family friendly sporting occasion, and a magnet for the hordes of social media savvy teens of today. Love them or loathe them, motorcycle road racing promoters must take steps to entice the Justin Biebers and Paris Hiltons of this world to their events - these ‘celebrities’ have in tow huge followings of devoted young fans with disposable cash. Those who allegedly shunned Paris Hilton at MotoGP should have first considered her 10000000+ Twitter followers, not all of whom are teenagers – many are of the more mature adult male variety with a yearning to enter into her - knickers – if she so happens to be wearing any.

Teenage girls, and not so teenage girls also have a yearning – a natural desire for clean-cut presentable young men - motorcycle road racing has an abundance of such desirable young men, so why are they not attracting a large teen following? Likewise the young women of motorcycle road racing, and lest one is accused of discrimination – let us not forget the gay and lesbian community – both sexes - all sexes - have to be catered for in the sport of motorcycle road racing. Like it or not - sex sells, it always has, always will - anybody who believes teenage girls love Justin Bieber solely because of his wonderful singing voice - really should get out and visit the real world - try it today, you'll love it!

Don't be shy! Leave me a comment, you know you want to.

Save Our Sport From Evil

©2013 Motorcycle RealRoadRacing Blog by Barbiegirl Northern Ireland

Subscribe to Irish Motorcycle Real Road Racing Blog by Barbiegirl Northern Ireland by Email