How desperate for money would one have to be to even consider participating in experimental hypothermia inducing research? Not many – moi included – though a few short years ago, one has to admit to believing she’d developed self-inflicted hypothermia – not once, but twice. Taking part in one motorcycle track day in the midst of winter could be considered foolish, returning two weeks later for more of the same – insane – the benefit of newly purchased unglamorous thermal underwear - barely negligible.
Worse is being painfully winded, barely able to breathe, presumably bruised, on your back in a gravel trap on a bitterly cold, bleak, desolate winter’s day – wondering what possessed moi to think it’d be a totally exhilarating way to spend a day on an R6, thrashing it around some godforsaken, inaccessible, middle of nowhere race track. Winter is a time for socialising, if I’m to be on my back, it’s to indulge in hot sweaty sex - great for the figure, and lowering home heating costs.
The ever burgeoning motorcycle track-day scene has spawned a raft of new businesses across the UK and around the world – there’s hardly a race track anywhere, around which you cannot thrash your pride and joy, test the kitty litter - possibly appropriate for moi - the air fencing, and indulge in some quite extensive tarmac testing. Alternatively one can rent a more suitable ride, presuming we're still discussing riding motorcycles. Nowadays for moi the bikes are seldom hired, mostly they’re borrowed from very trusting friends - not stolen yet, as such, current favourite a lovingly prepared Yamaha R6.
One soon discovers though, as is the case in all walks of life, a much anticipated event can turn sour when your chosen track day company turns out to be somewhat less than reputable. Before parting with your money, do your homework – ‘research’ is the keyword – use the Internet, read reviews, ask for contact details of previous customers, choose carefully and if it’s your first foray into the world of track days – opt for a circuit close to home. Moi will refrain from naming the circuits where trifling mishaps have occurred but can nonetheless highly recommend Donington Park, Oulton Park, Anglesey, Cartagena, Portimao, Le Mans, Almeria, Jerez, and Monza - a truly magical circuit by any standards. Be aware though, some tracks have strict noise limits which will be enforced in accordance with the circuit regulations - always check before embarking on what could prove to be an expensive wasted trip.
For track days, several necessities spring to mind, beginning with a valid licence, then depending on what value you place upon your lean, toned, healthy body - it's ample protective clothing, a one piece Kangaroo leather suit for moi, much lighter than their cowhide counterparts yet offers amazing protection, top quality helmet, boots, gloves, knee and elbow protectors, back protector, and top notch chest protector – one has to protect her assets.
Don’t over worry about crashing though, which will be embarrassing, and will hurt - just accept the fact it’s going to happen – most likely sooner rather than later – probably on your first outing if you don’t learn the track before attempting your Casey Stoner impression - all circuits have fully qualified paramedics and ambulance available – if not – do not go out on track. Take out adequate insurance, it is so very easy to get carried away when you first get onto that track, so whilst ones current insurance policy might be valid, do as moi – take out specialist insurance. Acquire a track day insurance policy which covers damage to your motorcycle, and more importantly - provides personal accident cover for both the UK and foreign fields, and also covers the very expensive cost of medical repatriation.
Best not to concern yourself unduly just yet with physical fitness for although it matters to moi – others seen on track days appear to be rather fond of overindulging in beer and chips – no offence intended. Should it be the case though that one is intending to attempt 20
And now for a few final snippets of advice for the boys and girls venturing out on their first foray into the world of track day pleasures – learn the circuit, ensure there is adequate heat in the tyres - engage your brain. Next – if you’ve survived that first tentative outing - take a leisurely stroll around the paddock where one will always hear mechanical machines being referred to as ‘her’ or ‘she’ or several other colourful uncomplimentary terms referring to the female of our species – how degrading.
Therefore, especially for those eager little boys out there with a lust for power and control over their woman - imagine if you will - your finely tuned mount is in fact a perfectly formed, stunningly beautiful, nubile young woman – treat her with respect, and she will reciprocate in kind – if you’re lucky.
And finally for us girls - mount your steed, be gentle, but do show your mount - he, him, whatever - you are the dominant force, extensive durability testing will quench your insatiable desire for more – should he fail to deliver though, obtain a replacement mount - without delay.
Know your flags by visiting the official website of the Motorcycle Marshals Association – MMA
For Northern Ireland thrill seekers, Kirkistown Track Days apparently aim to give the biker what they want, and that means exceptional value for money.
Save Our Sport From Evil
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